Real
by canyousmellchips
Summary: (SPOILERS FROM MJ) Katniss and Peeta first time in the end of MJ and before the epilogue. Smut.


_Peeta and I grow back together..._

It starts out awkward with long silences and small glances directed towards each other. We are brought close again by the book filled with all our memories of the people we lost. I write and Peeta paints. He bakes and I hunt. Slowly, we get used to having someone always around and I can't imagine we both could do this alone at all.

He tells me about his family and the life he had before the games took from him everything he was. We keep playing the game to solidify the memories about us. Sometimes I open myself up to him too. It only feels fair that we share our pain to help heal all these internal scars that we will carry for the rest of our lives.

I wake up one night screaming after another nightmare about little girls on fire, and instead of the loneliness of an empty bed, I feel strong arms holding me. It takes me a few minutes to get out of my shock state and understand that the arms holding me belong to Peeta. When I finally stop screaming, I can hear to his comforting words in my ear while my head is buried in his shirt, and my shuddering sobs come to a stop. I hold myself close to him to bring my mind to the present. He tells me he had had a nightmare too, and was taking a walk outside when he heard my screams. I feel ashamed, but relived at the same time, because I realize how much I missed this; the warmth of someone's arms holding me and telling me that it's okay to feel like the world is ending at every night when I sleep. And they are not any arms holding me, they are Peeta's arms, which embraced me so many times before. He knows like no one else how the games and the war broke us.

After this night, we never sleep alone again. There are mornings when he wakes up early and hides himself in his house, and I know he is just trying to protect me from another of his flashbacks. I have my moments of hiding too: I sit in the woods for hours when I need to breathe for myself. But we always come back to each other at night, and eventually he moves his clothes to my house. His painting tools follow, and soon there is nothing of him left in his old house. It feels right and safe and so much better than having this big house all just for me and Buttercup.

Soon our hugs turn into kisses. At first only on the cheeks and ears, and then on the neck and mouth. I know he wants to go slow because of me, but I assure him of my willingness by kissing him harder.

And then I feel that thing again, that hunger which overtook me on the beach, and I know there is no going back anymore. We lie in bed while we kiss and I feel Peeta's hands going up in my belly under the big shirt I wear to sleep. I feel shivers all over my skin and wish he would never stop. But he does, because as soon as I feel his hardness touching my thigh, he is out of reach from my hands and lips.

"I'm sorry", he says, kneeling in front of me.

His face is red and his lips are swollen and my mind keeps turning. I can't breathe without his lips on mine.

"It's okay", I answer, and I get up too and press myself to him again.

I can see his doubt in his blue eyes as he puts his hands on my waist. He is full of hope that I'm telling him exactly what he has wanted to hear for so long, but wants to be sure. I half laugh at his disoriented face to pretend I'm not shaking with fear of what I am about to do.

Peeta tentatively pushes my shirt up a little and looks at me inquisitively. I take the shirt off myself and help him get out of his. We hold each other close for a few seconds, feeling our skins tingling all over each other and we rest our heads together before he kisses me again and lays me in bed underneath him.

We play around with our hands and mouths, getting lost in every part of our bodies and I feel like I'm going to explode at any moment but I don't want to stop this. My brain has left the room and only my body responds.

Soon our pants and underwear are gone and a small anxiety grows under my belly when he positions himself in the middle of my legs. Peeta looks at me like I'm the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, in all of the world, despite the scars that mar my body, which he had insisted on kissing, while telling me I was beautiful. But staring back at the endless of his blue eyes, for the first time in months, I _do feel_ beautiful, because I have someone as amazing as the boy with the bread loving me. And I want to love him back.

"Do you trust me, Katniss?" he whispers, and his voice is struggling to leave in the heat of the moment.

I only nod one time and his right hand descends from my neck to my breasts. I look away embarrassed by how good it feels. With his other hand, Peeta brings my head back to him, and I forget about anything else that is not his lips on mine and his hands on my chest. I moan into his mouth and feel his hips buck into me.

"Are we safe? I mean... I don't have…" he manages to say, and I'm still a bit lost in his kisses to understand what he is asking.

When my mind clears I say, "Yes, I'm taking pills that the town doctor gave me," relieved that the District Twelve's new doctor had nearly forced me to take the pills home after she and I talked about Peeta and I living together.

I'm thinking about how he is still able to remember about details like this when my mind turns blank, while his right hand unexpectedly finds the hair between my legs. At first I get worried that I won't feel anything or that I'll be too nervous and I won't let him keep touching me. These both sound terrifying and confusing, because five seconds ago I didn't want to ever leave his arms. But then his fingers move and he finds a spot that makes an audible moan escape from my mouth.

Peeta's lips find the sensitive spot in my neck while his hand keep moving between my legs and it's almost too much. My breathing becomes fast and harsh, and my mind doesn't know in which part I should pay attention to, so I just relax under him, wanting even more.

He stops when I buck my hips against him, and I'm worried for a bit that he will leave me here, needing his attention, but he just brings his face close to mine. There is one last question in his eyes, and I nod again, trying not to melt under the love I feel coming from both of us.

I feel him enter me and we both gasp at the awkward yet amazing feeling. He stops so I can adjust to his size, but it doesn't feel as bad or scary as I always thought it would, probably because I know he is just as worried as me doing this for the first time. I wouldn't want this in any other way and with no one else. I urge him to keep going and he pushes further inside of me. Our moans and gasps echo in the dark bedroom. His hand find the sensitive spot right above where we are united again and I lean against his shoulders to bring him closer. I feel like we are never going to be close enough. no matter how much we cling to each other.

"I won't last I'm sorr-" he tries to whisper in my ears when his movements start getting frantic and fast.

I don't care anymore and just level my head to kiss him and make him stop talking. The pain is long gone now, and I'm reaching a point where I can't even push my hips without shaking and suddenly he falls above me with a long grunt. We stay like this for a moment and I feel tired and happy.

When I think he is going to roll to his side so we can cuddle, he positions his left elbow close to my head and his other hands goes_there_ one more time. I thought I was a goner but, as always, Peeta just knows exactly what to do. Even when he is already satisfied and exhausted he wants to make me feel good.

It takes only a few more minutes and I'm shaking again and bucking my hips under his touch. Moaning in his ear and biting his shoulders, I come undone, while I keep saying his name over and over.

Peeta rolls to his side and I immediately feel cold without his warmth, so I go to him and hug him tight to my body. He sees the mess we made and takes his shirt from the floor to clean a bit of the mess and blood between my legs. I'm worried he will freak out, so I tell him it's normal, but he just nods and bring me even closer to him.

I feel my tired body drifting off sleep when I hear him whisper:

"You love me. Real or not real?"

And I realize there is no other answer I'd give to him. Not now and not ever. I'd never want to not be like this. Just the two of us, embraced in the safety of each other's bodies and feelings.

"Real."

I wish I had known longer before. I wish we were still whole both bodies and minds. I wish the war didn't take so much from us. But I also realize: there is no going back, and nothing good can come from being stuck in wishing how things could be. Right now is the most important, and together, we can somehow make our future better.

* * *

**N/A: thank you so much Bels for being my beta and helping me with my awful english! This is my first smut so I still have a lot to learn with my writing :)**


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